


Perserverance

by Space_Case



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Action/Adventure, Blood, Comedy, Drama, Explicit Language, Flashbacks, Friendship, Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance, Slow Build, Some depictions of violence, Violence, eventually, getting to know the crew for like 13 chapters all right now, might be graphic depending on your mileage?, some hints to PTSD, sorry I'm tired
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-08-13 08:19:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7969330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_Case/pseuds/Space_Case
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kira Shepard, Colonist and Sole Survivor, awakens to find herself in the debt of Cerberus, a position she never wanted to be in.  Nonetheless, she works alongside them in order to fight the Collectors and eventually, the Reapers.  She expected a tough and long journey; what she didn't expect was developing incredible friendships, experiencing intimate love, and going on outlandish adventures.</p><p>Stupid summary is stupid, I suck at them, sorry.</p><p>Takes place during Mass Effect 2, with no retelling of the missions (rather, what goes on in between and new adventures).</p><p>Will add characters as they appear, along with pairings, tags, and warnings (will be featured at beginning of chapter).  Will eventually go from Mature to Explicit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Relay One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language and mention of character death

_Light bloomed across her visor, blinding her momentarily as she drifted amongst the stars.  She watched as her ship silently exploded below her, propelling her closer to the planet. Thoughts overlapped in her panic stricken mind as chunks of the Normandy sailed past her.  How many people were still on board when she went to get Joker?  Did Ashley manage to get the rest?  Who attacked them if it weren't the Geth?  When would the Alliance get here?  Would she continue to float in space helplessly, or become entrapped in the planet's gravity?  She tried to slow her breathing, calming herself so she could think straight and figure out how to survive this, when a loud hiss by her ears sent a spike of panic through her blood._

Oh god, no no no no-- _She frantically reached behind her, feeling the escape of air flutter past her fingertips into empty space.  Hurriedly pressing down on the hole to hold back the air, the oxygen still seeped past her fingers.  The diagnostics on her visor read that her air level exponentially fell--one hour, then thirty-one minutes, then fourteen minutes--all in a matter of seconds.  All the way in basic training, her instructors had told of horror stories of soldiers dying from lack of oxygen in space to prevent stupid stunts of the raw recruits.  She didn't have a spare oxygen tank, and biotics could not trap air.  She was going to die.  She lived past Mindoir and Akuze, the brutal N level training for SpecOps, and even a Reaper attack on the Citadel, and she was going to die because her oxygen tank had been damaged.  She couldn't be allowed to die like this; she still had to find a way to fight the reapers, to warn people--_

 _She could feel the strain in her lungs as she tried to breathe what little air remained.  If she thought about her adoptive parents and friends, she wouldn't face death bravely.  If she thought about her birth parents, her deceased friends, and Kenji, she would panic.  She didn't want to die afraid, didn't want to die_ period _.  As debris of her fallen ship silently glided into the planet's orbit, she looked up, beholding the stars and the glittering strip of the milky way's arm.  Fitting, the last thing that she should see would be the first thing that she remembered: the stars.  She held it in her gaze as she choked, reaching out to the galactic core, tears stinging her eyes either in suffocation or deep regret that she would never see this again--_

            Her eyes flew open as she inhaled loudly, her hand flying to her throat.  Millions of stars flew past above her, colorful ribbons dancing across the loft window.  She coughed and sputtered, but she wasn't in her armor trapped in Alchera's orbit, and she could _breathe_.  Closing her eyes, she took several deep breaths, calming her rapidly beating heart and shaking limbs.  Taking another few minutes to calm herself enough to regain control of her body, she trusted herself enough to open her eyes again.

            The lights in the room had flickered to a dim setting, and for a moment she forgot where she had slept.  The sheets underneath her felt soft; too soft for the Alliance.   _Ah yes.  Cerberus._  Allowing her memories that she had been gone for two years to wash over her again, she stilled the confusion, panic, and anger at the situation.  Dwelling in emotions would only cloud her judgment, and with what she currently had to deal with, she needed to ensure that she wouldn't be compromised.

            Sighing, she sat up, rubbing her forehead.  A blinking light caught her attention, and she looked up to see that it came from her office console.  Wondering who had messaged her this time, she pulled back the covers and headed for the console.

            The past week had been a flurry of messages.  Against the Illusive Man's and Miranda's wishes, Kira sent messages to her foster parents, a multitude of her friends, Admiral Hackett and Councilor Anderson to let them know that she was alive.  She expected them all to believe that she was an imposter, but to her great surprise, no one accused her of it.  Most of them were shocked and were in tears, yes, but held no suspicion whatsoever.  Her adoptive parents and two of her friends, General Lakarus Aylious and Commando Analya, had been approached by Cerberus a year ago about donating or exchanging information to help in her 'resurrection'.  Several people hadn't responded; besides the old Normandy Crew, Admiral Hackett had not acknowledged her message, but Anderson asked her to meet up with him as soon as possible.  She had accepted with relief, and once this business in recruiting three new squad mates on Omega was complete, she aimed to go straight to the Citadel.

            She took a few minutes to brew herself some tea before sitting down in her office space, pulling up her messages on the console.  The new message came from Tali, and Kira sat a little straighter in her chair.  Though to her, it had been a week and a half since she had seen the Quarian, it had been over two years for Tali; despite that, Tali trusted her enough to give her data and they had parted on good terms.  At least, good enough terms in light of Tali mistrusting Cerberus just as much as Kira did.

            Biting her inner lip at the worry that maybe Tali regretted giving her information, Kira pulled the message up nervously.

           

_Shepard,_

_Sorry I couldn't talk very much while on Freedom's Progress.  I really wanted to catch up, but with my current assignment and your, ah, current company I couldn't.  If everything works out with this mission though, I'll let you know if I can join you, if you are still recruiting.  From what we've scanned in Veetor's Omni Tool, the Collectors are worrying me a little._

_Speaking of which, we found a little more data after we talked to Veetor a bit more.  Not sure if it will help or how reliable it is since he is still a bit shook up, but thought I would send it your way._

_Good luck, and hope to talk to you later,_

_Tali_

_P.S.  Tell Joker and Chakwas 'hi' for me.  And if you run into anyone else from the Normandy, tell them I said 'hi' too._

 

            A wide grin spread across Kira's face as relief eased her earlier anxiety.  She had been quite taken with Tali while on the original Normandy, and from what she had witnessed on Freedom's Progress, Tali had matured in a very short time.  However sad and regretful Kira felt for Tali when her teammates disobeyed her and inadvertently died, Kira still was proud that Tali handled the situation well and tended to the survivors instead of flying into a panic.

            Kira reread the message several times as she sipped her tea, then frowned.  She had sent messages to all of her previous squad mates, Tali had been the only one to respond.  She knew all of them were alive and well, with the exception of Garrus.  He apparently just fell off the grid months after she died, and she didn't have the heart to tell Tali when she had asked about him.  The Turian could take care of himself--and well--but that didn't stop her from worrying about him.

            "Much good that'll do for you now."  She muttered to herself, before downloading the attachment that had been with Tali's message; she would send that to Miranda and eventually their new Scientist, if the Professor decided to come with them.  Going through the rest of her new messages, most of them were return messages from her friends and family, and she read through some of them with varying degrees of amusement.

 

            _So, what, were you on a spec ops assignment and played dead for two years?  Great PR coverage, by the way.  Civilians didn't even know you were dead, but we all thought you were--except Vaye.  You know her and her conspiracy theories.  I want my money back for traveling to your funeral.  Just kidding.  But seriously, I paid a lot of money for it.  Glad you're alive though; you owe me a beer.--Capt. Rodriguez (yes I got promoted; we all did.  Ask the Alliance to promote you to Captain; I'm surprised they didn't after your stint with the Citadel, but you're still a spectre)._

 

 _I KNEW IT!!  I_ told _Charlie you weren't dead!  I've heard of a Spectre pretending to be dead about six centuries ago; disappeared for five years to trick the broker back then to kill him.  You were listed MIA instead of KIA anyway.  Course, not sure why you were gone for two years, but probably classified, right?  Yeah, Charlie and I can call sometime.  Saanvi still remembers you--she turns five this year--and we just had a boy last year, Alistair.  He's cute and funny but a bit of a handful; had to do a lot of drafting for contracts at home while Charlie's got a lot going on for security.  We both got promoted several times, but we'll tell you all about that later.  Stay safe out there!--Vaye_

 

_If you haven't gotten Analya's message yet, ignore it.  She got real drunk after our celebration that you are back (don't worry, we'll all meet up somewhere so we can catch up; Vaye and Analya are already planning for our annual, since the last two times were rather depressing) and from the colorful language I heard her muttering under her breath as she typed her message, she might be a bit...mad.  We both missed you a lot, so again, we're really happy that you're back. Made to Senior Ship Master, if you can believe it! Primarch himself awarded me the promotion, and Analya behaved (besides shouting "Bout time!").  Give us a heads up about a call and we'll catch up more.  Analya is talking about having kids, spirits help me.--Lakarus_

 

_Hey.  Asshole.  Who said you could die?  You were my best student and then you go off and die?  Fuck you.  You better hope that I don't catch you slacking off in biotics cuz I'm kicking your ass.  Actually, no.  Tell your new boss to shove it and let me on the ship so I can train you again to NOT DIE.  Seriously, you run that ship.  Let me on it.  I don't care if I get Lakarus to use his 'Turian Meritocracy’ privileges or Asari High Command to force my way onto your ship to train your dumbass.  OK I'm sorry.  Your death sucked balls.  You know I love you.  Don't pull shit like that again.  Call us asap; I promise I won't berate you (much).  The call should be interesting though;  I recently joked about having kids and now Lakarus is freaking out.  It's funny.--Analya_

 

_Where do I send care packages to?  I have some things of yours that I've saved, and some letters from your friends when you were in that coma (Takeshi and I like your idea to refer to it that way; I suppose technically you were?).  I'll also send some new holos of Yusuke; he's not a puppy anymore, but he still acts like one.  We might bring him to the Citadel if there is a chance we could meet up.  If you want/need anything from Earth, let me know and I'll send that over too.  Let Takeshi and I know if you can't make tomorrow's call.  Love and miss you, Aimi._

            Smiling, Kira scrolled through the rest of messages, which thankfully were filled with well wishes and no bad news.  She still had a lot to catch up on, but she looked forward in learning what had happened to her loved ones while she was out.  She felt a little jealous that Luciana got Captain before her, but Luciana was one of the toughest soldiers she had met and definitely deserved the promotion.  The best news was Lakarus becoming Sr. Ship Master; he had been vying for it since they were penpals in basic, so she couldn't help but feel incredibly proud for him.

            "Shepard."  EDI's voice sounded soft through the speakers, but Kira still jumped in her seat at the sudden noise, looking around for the speakers.  EDI's avatar floated across the room next to the fish tank, warbling slightly in the light.  "We should be reaching Omega in two hours."

            "Oh, thank you."  Kira said, her hand on her heart to still the thundering in her chest.  "I'll go alert Taylor and Lawson."

            "I can do that for you."  EDI offered.  "As I recall, you wished to go over the dossiers once more before going ashore."

            "Ah."  Kira considered, nodding.  "Thank you, EDI.  Much appreciated."

            "Logging you out."  EDI's light blue avatar vanished immediately, and Kira squinted at the spot before she looked around the room again.  She didn't know if there were hidden cameras in the cabin, but she was willing to bet her last credit--and she had none since she 'died'--that there were.

            EDI in itself--herself?--had been a welcomed surprise.  Helpful and knowledgeable, EDI had helped improve operations onboard the Normandy unlike any ship she had served on.  They hadn't been in combat yet, but Kira almost wanted to test out the combat system to see what EDI and Joker could do together.  Joker hadn't been too thrilled about an AI in his ship, but instead of a mindless robot, EDI merely roused him up.  They bickered like an old couple in the cockpit, and more than one crewman liked to joke about it in the mess hall.  It also solidified the Illusive Man's statement; he would do _anything_ to investigate and prevent the disappearing human colonists.  About half of the current dossiers were non-human, which she had been pleased to see.  For the exception of Kelly, most of the crew were apprehensive about working with non-humans.

            _Might have to ease them into it,_ Kira thought as she pulled up the first dossier.  Lawson suggested Professor Mordin Solus first, which Kira agreed with, but thought that it would be too much of a culture shock to bring a Salarian on board first.  Definitely not a Krogan yet, judging from this Okeer's profile, and Archangel's dossier didn't even mention what species he was.

            Reading through Zaeed Massani's dossier again with the Illusive Man's message, she _had_ heard of Massani before.  Only once, but his name had come up during her N6 training when several other recruits were talking about their near brushes with the Terminus systems. Alliance rarely dealt with bounty hunters, and his name sounded unique enough for it to stick to her memory, and the tidbit of "He scared the hell outta my CO," from the awed recruit.  Beyond that, however, she didn't know much about him.  From his dossier, he sounded perfect for a small team, and she wanted to see how he would do in combat.  Taylor and Lawson were excellent biotics and incredible fighters, but she preferred tech and combat squad mates to balance her Vanguard abilities.  He also sounded the easiest to recruit, since it sounded like he awaited pickup from the Normandy rather than hunting him down.

            She spent some time doing research on Massani on the extranet (a surprising amount of data came up on some of his more outlandish jobs), before she closed down her messages.  Checking the time, she had about ten minutes of free time before she should shower and ready herself for combat.  Not time enough to finish reading or do much else, besides actually updating her journal like she was supposed to.  Figuring it would be good to get it out of the way, she pulled up the journal application that she had encoded with her message app.  Her previous entries were gone, but she would find a way to get those back; Vaye had recalled her messages the last time she accidentally wiped her memory drive.

         

             January 25th, 2185

            {Voice Recorded}

            Well, it's been over two years since the last entry, and not by my choosing.  Whether I was actually dead or not remains to be seen, though if I am hundred percent honest with myself, I'm just in denial that I died.  Besides of the scientific implications, the religious ones are too much for me to grasp at this moment.  Luckily Aimi and Takeshi are calling this a coma too, since any other reminders that I actually did die could potentially send me into an anxiety attack.  Miranda assured me several times that I'm not a clone, which is the only good news out of this crap.

            If I'm being recorded by Cerberus right now...actually, screw it.  I don't give a fuck.  They know that I don't trust them whatsoever, and all of this just feels way too convenient.  Brand new ship with several people I've served with previously, filled with crewman who are slightly distrustful of Aliens but not outright racist? And allowing me to recruit non-humans, not to mention the freedom to do whatever I want with resources and budgets?  There is a catch somewhere, beyond me working with _them_.  That is a big enough catch as it is.  I don't care what the Illusive Man says; the same splinter cell of theirs being responsible for Akuze and all that shit I found  last year-- _two years ago_ , this is going to get annoying fast--is far too suspicious.  Kenji's probably rolling in his grave, knowing that I work with the ones responsible for his death...

            But, unfortunately, and as much I'm loathe to say it, the Illusive Man is right.  Collectors are taking colonists, and from what I've researched on the extranet, no one is doing anything about it.  Council is publicly dismissing it, and as far as I know, the Alliance hasn’t done much of anything either.  Publicly, of course;  Hackett wouldn't stand for Colonists being taken and not taking action, and neither would Anderson, but the other Admirals have their heads up their asses half the time anyway.  Jacob is correct in the bureaucratic bullshit at least, but they don't experiment on their own species.  If this weren't about Reapers, I would've walked.

            Besides the Reapers potentially using the Collectors to target humans--and I'd rather not think it was because of me--I'm concerned about recruitment.  I'm not so much worried that some of these people are mercs or criminals, but everyone on a ship together is going to cause tension.  It is my job to maintain peace, but earning respect is going to be a challenge.  I don't mind doing it, and have done it before, but I'm not compromising my morals to do it.  Wrex did surprise me though last time, being a merc and only asking for his family armor, so I'm probably misjudging people when I shouldn't be.

            The Normandy last time only had a skeleton crew and six squad mates, but now we have a full complement, and the Illusive Man implied that he is working on even more dossiers than six I currently have.  Last time as a CO went more smoothly as expected, but that was in the military.  I'm confident in my diplomatic skills, but I'm going to need to be very flexible when it comes to this new crew, I already know it.

            Well, can't indulge in more worry.  Have to pick up Zaeed Massani--haven't met many bounty hunters outside of Wrex--and then Professor Mordin Solus on Omega, which I heard was a shit hole.  Guess I'll get to see for myself what it actually is.

            {Kira Shepard} signing off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	2. Relay Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah warnings.
> 
> Explicit language since Shepard can have a foul mouth, and some depictions of violence courtesy of Zaeed.

"Good Morning, Commander!"  Kelly grinned as Kira entered the CIC from the elevator.  Blinking from the blinding lights, Kira approached her yeoman, stifling a wide yawn.  "Hope you were able to get enough sleep last night!"

            "Enough,"  Kira said, her voice croaking slightly from underuse.  At the lift of Kelly's eyebrow, Kira cleared her throat.  "I mean, yes; more sleep than I got in the Alliance.  Morning to you too.  I think you are the most awake here," she gestured to the current crew at their work stations, some still yawning and drinking coffee out of their mugs.  It had been several days since the Normandy had first left the Cerberus station, so everyone was still getting used to their new shifts.

            "Got lucky on the shift draws."  Kelly smiled warmly. 

            "Mm.  You would think I would be more awake since I 'slept' for two years," Kira muttered, leaning against the rail of the galaxy map.  Kelly blinked, clearly unsure if she should laugh or express sympathy at the statement.  "It was a joke.  A bad one."  Kira clarified, and decided to add before it got awkward, "So, any further impressions on Mordin or Zaeed beyond first meeting them?"

            "Hm."  Kelly shot a glance towards the lab and the elevator, before turning back to Kira.  "They seem to be adjusting well to their respective spaces.  It is still a little too soon to tell of course, since they've only been here for two days, but Zaeed has been rather social with the crew.  Mordin, on the other hand, only has come out twice from his lab I think."

            "How is the crew responding to them?"  Kira asked lowly.  She felt more concerned about their reaction with a non-human, but Zaeed was quite the character.

            "Fine, thus far.  Wish Mordin would come out more, though."  Kelly glanced at the lab again.  "He is fascinating to talk with, and he did try to talk slower when Daniels asked him to.  Real bossy though, and typically kicks people out if they come through the lab.  Some bridge members commented that they've heard loud bangs coming there, but as long as it isn't on fire..."

            _Or if that Seeker Swarm thing gets loose._   "Know if he is awake or not?" 

            "I heard him talking back and forth to himself about half an hour ago when I checked up on Jacob, so I think he is."

            _Excellent_.  "Thank you.  Let me know if something comes up."  Kira said, pushing herself off the rail and headed for the lab, Kelly nodding eagerly and going back to work on her console, waving merrily to some passing crew. _Must be nice to be a morning bird and an extrovert._

            Mordin had his back to her when she entered the lab, muttering to himself.  Looking around, Mordin had organized the lab a bit more to his specifications and added a cot for him to sleep on, but beyond that, not an ounce of personalization.  She had been a bit lax on personalization in quarters, as long as it was appropriate (she had to tell several crewmen that human editions of Fornax posters were not to be displayed on the top of their bunks during her first inspection), but she had been a little disappointed with the lack thereof in Mordin's personal space.

            Before Kira could clear her throat to announce she was there, Mordin called over his shoulder, "Ah, greetings.  Unsure of what cycle Normandy currently uses.  Prefer morning or night?"

            "This is the morning 'cycle', I suppose,"  Kira said, half wanting to crane her neck to see what he worked on but didn't want to bother him.  "Good morning to you as well."

            "Noted."  Mordin inclined his head, before turning around towards her, carrying several test tubes to his station.  Kira resisted the urge to ask what he was doing; her mother didn't like to be bothered during her own experiments, and Mordin sounded like he was of a like mind.  Mordin must have caught her curious glance, since he said, "Testing chemical reactions with Collector samples.  Useful, in the situation that defensive mechanisms do not work against the Collectors."

            "Anything unusual?"  Kira asked, unable to stop herself.

            "Can safely rule out synthetic life form,"  Mordin replied, carefully taking out the test tubes and placing them inside a glass case.  "Poses many other questions, however.  The Seeker Swarm sample retrieved is biological; Collectors biological as well?  Geth synthetic, used in Citadel attack.  Why would Reapers now use organic, unless Collectors working with Reapers for longer?"

            She hadn't considered that.  It was a definite possibility, but Mordin was right; it would present more questions.  "Possible indoctrination?  Hard to believe that they would do so without being indoctrinated."

            "Of course."  Mordin nodded.  "From earlier reports, organic life forms unwilling to partner with Reapers unless indoctrination involved.  Curious how fast indoctrination works, and if reversible."

            "I am as well, but until we have a safety measure against it, I'd rather not conduct any experiments on it."  Kira said firmly.  If Saren and Matriarch Benezia were amongst those easily indoctrinated, then hardly anyone else was safe, if at all.

            "Wasn't suggesting experiments."  Mordin waved a hand impatiently.  "At this point of time, anyway.  Actually..." His eyes darted to the lone Seeker Swarm in the glass cage, which banged against the glass angrily, then back to her. "Biotic, yes?"

            Kira glanced at the Seeker Swarm and back to Mordin, not wanting to look stupid by saying 'what?'.  "Ah, yes.  Vanguard."

            "Excellent.  Could use abilities."  Motioning for her to approach the glass, he carefully placed a device against the box.  The Seeker Swarm immediately flew to the same side of the glass, banging furiously against it.  "Hold this," Mordin said, ignoring the seeker swarm and handing her an identical device.  She had enough experience with biotic testing to know it measured mass effect fields.   

            _Does he want me to attack it?_   She wondered warily as Mordin fetched a data pad.  _It's the only that we have.  Is he studying cellular regeneration or how biotics affect the seeker swarms?_

            "Erect a barrier around drone.  Smaller than case, if it needs to be said."  Mordin ordered, and Kira bit the inside of her lip in amusement.  _He_ is _bossy._   She wasn't too concerned about her Science Officer telling her what to do, since this was his area of expertise.  Concentrating, she erected a barrier sphere around the seeker, leaving only six inches or so of space in every direction.  The seeker's indignant buzz sounded warbled, and it bounced angrily around the sphere, but didn't fly out.  "Intriguing."  Mordin stated, looking between his data pad and the seeker.  "Decrease diameter to three inches." 

            Kira did so, watching the seeker bash against the barrier as it slowly shrunk, but it couldn't get out.  She glanced to Mordin in wonderment, and after checking his data pad one more time, he smiled.  "Release barrier.  Thank you."  Upon her dissipating her barrier, the seeker raged around the glass case in retaliation.

            "So biotics can potentially be used as a countermeasure,"  Kira said as Mordin returned to his main work station, feeling a little optimistic. 

            Mordin nodded, setting the data pad to sync with his main terminal.  "Would need to do further experiments--seeker swarms in reports numerous, not just one--but initial results promising.  Energy output from biotics minimal as well, though data slightly skewed."  He gestured to her again.  "Proficient in maintaining barriers for long periods of time.  Would need to test someone with normal barrier ability.  Miranda and Jacob unsuitable, Jacob in particular; barrier too strong.  Any other biotics being recruited?"

            She quickly recalled the four remaining dossiers for the time being.  "Only one of them mentions a biotic, and they're known as the most powerful one alive." 

            Mordin scoffed while turning his head slightly away.  "Unhelpful then.  Most of team non-biotic; would need biotics constantly safeguarding them.  Conventional shields unreliable; otherwise Colonists wouldn't be taken.  Need to start from scratch.  Good back up, though.  Ah,"  Mordin seemed to catch himself, looking between the case with test tubes and her again, "come here for something?"

            Kira hid a smile.  _Easily distracted, too_.  "Well, yes.  Don't mind helping out though, since you're always busy."  She added.  She wanted to know more of what he was doing since it _was_ fascinating, but knew better than to stand there and fervently watch him conduct experiments.  That, and she had to complete her rotation of the ship before heading into a meeting with Miranda.

            "Commander of this ship.  Busier than anyone.  Checking on crew?"  His attention turned back to the test tubes, frowning at them as he inserted the vial case into an analyzer.

            "Yes and...a favor."  Which she didn't like asking whatsoever.  This seemed to intrigue Mordin, since he looked back up at her, his head slightly tilted in curiosity.  "You found bugs around here."  Kira gestured vaguely around.

            Mordin hesitated with his brow furrowed, considering her, before he looked like he smirked.  "Correct." 

            "Any in here now?"  She asked dryly.

            "No."

            "Good, then I'll be honest."  Kira crossed her arms.  "I don't trust Cerberus, at all."

            Mordin inclined his head.  "Given background, not surprised."

            She felt anxiety seep into her stomach.  Did he happen to know the connection between Akuze and Cerberus?  Unless it made headlines after she captured Dr. Wayne, not many people would know.  Mordin was in the STG, but why would they be concerned about an attack that occurred six--no, eight now--years ago?  "What do you mean?"

            "Participated in GT when younger.  When made Spectre, human news accused you of being too understanding of non-human species.  Previous Normandy crew filled with non-humans per your recommendation.  Hard to believe now pro-human and anti-non-human."  Mordin replied.

            Kira stared at him for several seconds.  "How do you know all of this?"

            "First human spectre made news.  News sites did investigative journaling.  Read a couple."  Mordin waved it aside.  "Come asking for favor.  Inquire about bugs in lab.  State Cerberus untrustworthy.  Bug removal on ship?"

            At least he didn't drag it out of her.  "As nice as that would be, no.  Illusive Man would throw a fit.  Just my cabin, and potentially any other person who wants the bugs removed from their own room."

            "Any other crewmembers?"

            Pausing for a moment to figure how to nicely word it, since the crew _was_ risking their lives in stopping the Collectors, "The Illusive Man has their trust, and they don't mind the monitoring devices.  If they decide otherwise, perhaps then.  Do you have a device that detects these bugs?"

            "Yes, but prefer to visually inspect as well.  Some devices cannot be detected."  The analyzer beeped, and Mordin turned to examine the results.  "Can inspect in your off duty hours?"

            Relieved, Kira sighed.  "Yes, that will be fine.  Thank you.  I'll see you then."

            Mordin made a noise similar to 'hmm', his attention fully turning back to the test tubes.  Figuring that was as much as she would get out of him for the time being, and she exited the lab, the seeker swarm head-butting the glass as she passed.

 

* * *

 

  "--sitting in the muck, just waiting for these assholes to move their position."  Kira could hear Zaeed's gravelly voice just before the elevator doors opened on the crew deck.  Intrigued, Kira quietly approached the mess hall, waiting by the wall to listen to Zaeed without interrupting.  He sat at the table with his back to her, with two crewmembers eagerly listening.

            "How long did you wait?"  One of the bridge members--Brian Fischer--asked.

            "Three hours.  I don't know what the hell was in the mud, but they looked like goddamned leeches.  Anyway, those morons finally change shifts, and that is when we moved.  Didn't go as smoothly as planned."

            "What happened?"  Liz Maine--another bridge member--inquired.

            "We had another guy sneak behind the guards; he was supposed to either knock them out or kill them, but it had to be done quietly.  Idiot trips on a mine and blows up."

            "Jesus,"  Brian hissed as Liz visibly winced. 

            "At least the guy's spine falling on top of the guards' head distracted them long enough."  Zaeed shrugged while Brian gaped at him and Liz pushed her oatmeal away in disgust.  "Had to go in and kill them, but unfortunately it alerted the rest of the guards.  One of the longest firefights in my life."

            "And...uh...did you get all the tech?"  Liz asked apprehensively.

              "Sort of."  Zaeed took a quick drink from his mug--black coffee.  "After we killed most of the guards, we managed to carry a couple of crates out to the shuttle before Eclipse decided to blow the building.  We decided it was a good time to get the hell out."

            "Did everyone make it?"

            "Nah; one of the guys got his legs blown off, and pilot took off without him."  Zaeed leaned back in his chair, choosing to take a longer drink this time.

            Brian openly gawked at him while Liz stared at her oatmeal, her face turning a slightly green shade.  "So, uh, did you find out what the tech was?"

            "Hell no,"  Zaeed growled, setting his mug down on the table with a loud clink.  "Ask that kind of question or poke around into things like that and you're more likely to get shot than get a job.  Not the same with the Illusive Man, is it?"

            Liz and Brian exchanged a quick glance.  "Not that we know...but I don't think so."

            Zaeed 'hmmphed'.  "Best to keep your mouth shut on the chance that he _is_ like that."

            "I don't think the Illusive Man _is_ like that,"  Liz said defensively, moving her oatmeal out of sight.  "Only ones who spoke to him directly are Operative Lawson, Operative Taylor, and the Commander, but..."

            "He was open to questioning, I'll give him that,"  Kira said finally.  Liz and Brian jumped in their seats, while Zaeed merely turned to look at her with an amused lift of an eyebrow.

            "Oh, Commander!"  Liz and Brian leaped out of their seats, immediately standing tall and saluting her.  "Didn't see you, ma'am!"

            "Why are you just listening around like a snoop?"  Zaeed motioned for her to join them, ignoring Liz and Brian's deference.  "Isn't this your ship?  Sit.  Could use a less jumpy audience."

            "At ease."  Kira told Liz and Brian, who dropped their hands to their sides but still stood stick straight.  " _At ease._   I thought I said protocol had been relaxed during off duty hours."

            "You did ma'am--"  At Kira's narrowed eyes and Zaeed snorting in laughter, Brian cleared his throat.  "I mean you did...Shepard."  The last word sounded near questioning.  At Kira smiling encouragingly, Brian visibly relaxed.  "But you're on duty."

            "True, which is why I can't join you at the moment."  Kira nodded to Zaeed.  "I would otherwise.  The story you were telling sounded rather exciting."  _If not a bit bloody.  No wonder Kelly said he seemed well-adjusted despite experiencing a lot of violence._   "You three enjoy your morning."  She nodded to Brian and Liz, who saluted her before dropping their hands with embarrassed expressions, Zaeed giving a short grunt of laughter.

 

* * *

           

            After a quick chat with Dr. Chakwas, Kira was pleased to discover that all of the crew, including their two newest members, were in good health.  That she knew of anyway; the crew had signed non-disclosures so that their privacy was protected, but all thus far had signed that the Commanding Officer was allowed to inquire about overall health.  She couldn't know about personal things like STDs or diseases (and she didn't want to anyway), but anything that could affect their job, she did know about.  Personally, as long as her crew was able to perform their duties, or at least let her know if they couldn't for some reason, she was fine with it.

            Dr. Chakwas also insisted upon a physical examination, which Kira begrudgingly acquiesced.  Though curious about what these 'Cerberus Implants' were (Dr. Chakwas laughed when Kira expressed concern that the Illusive Man could take control of her body with these upgrades), she didn't want to know; it would just show the extent of the damage that had been wrought during the attack two years ago.  After being declared healthy, Kira made several rounds around the Normandy, checked in with Joker and Miranda, and wrote several reports for the Illusive Man on her CIC terminal.  Once it was time for her off duty hours, she bid Kelly goodnight and headed for her cabin.

            Mordin got to the first floor moments after she, and she allowed him in the cabin to inspect for monitoring devices.  To her horror, he found and destroyed sixteen in all, including three in the bathroom ( _Does the Illusive Man listen to me pee_?!  She thought incredulously when Mordin exclaimed "Ah, above the mirror!  Of course.").  Kira thanked him graciously as he made one last round around the room, and he shrugged.

            "Not a problem.  Didn't want monitoring devices installed in lab either. Would advise keeping lock on door, encrypted to your DNA."  Mordin paused.  "Which Cerberus might have abundance.  Didn't think of that.  Still, a good idea."

            Kira nodded, agreeing.  Unless all the crew members on board had her fingerprints coded somewhere, most people on the ship wouldn't be able to get in.  "I'll do that, Professor.  Thank you again, I really appreciate it."

            "Mordin."  He waved aside his title.  "Going after Collectors might require longer time than currently expected.  Might as well be informal."

            A smile spread across her face, and she inclined her head.  "Agreed, Mordin.  If you need anything, let me know."

            "Will consider it, if the need arises."  Mordin turned and called for the elevator, and Kira leaned against the metal door posts as the elevator doors hissed open, waving him off.  "Good night,"  Mordin called just before the door closed, and she returned the expression.

            Feeling better than she had in the past couple of days, she breathed a sigh of relief.  It had been a good, productive day, and it seemed the first two recruits got along well enough with the crew.  Her room now successfully debugged, she felt like she could do anything she wanted in her cabin.  Not only would it be a safe haven to be a potential double agent for the Alliance, she could do anything she wanted without being watched.  Pulling up her personal console, she pulled her journal back out, now happy to record her thoughts.

 

* * *

 

 

January 28th, 2186

{Voice Recorded}

            I can now say 'Fuck Cerberus' without some slight paranoia that I will be sniped on my next outing, which is frankly quite nice.  I thought sharing a room with eighteen other crewmen on my other tours was public enough; having the illusion of privacy is worse, in a way.  At least I got this sweet ass skylight above the bed, and now a huge room that could fit at least eight bunks to myself.

            I feel a bit guilty having this room to myself.  Being CO grants me to this kind of privacy, and I would've killed for it back when I was a Private, but I still feel bad for the others.  It sounds like the officers have their own rooms at least, and Miranda took my old one...well, it would've been my old one if this were the original Normandy.  Zaeed isn't an officer, but he has his own room.  Heard Daniels complaining about it, and the poor guy didn't know Zaeed was in the Mess Hall with them; Daniels turned paler than me once he caught sight of him.

            It's odd running a non-Alliance ship.  I've relaxed quite a few things, and luckily no one has tried to take advantage of me being nice thus far (though we'll see once we get the new squadmates).  As long as it stays that way, I won't have to reverse anything.  Time will only tell about the fraternizing clause, since what people do is their business as long as their on-duty hours aren't affected, but it's not like I'm personally reaping the benefits of it.

            I'll be taking Mordin and Zaeed with me to hunt down Archangel.  Hopefully his recruitment goes as smoothly as Zaeed's, since he was the easiest pickup that I've ever had in my life.  I've been dragging Miranda and Jacob on mission after mission, so it is about time for them to get a break.

             As much as I want to continue saying 'Fuck Cerberus', the Illusive Man forwarded a lot evidence to me that it was indeed a splinter cell of theirs responsible for Akuze.  He never approved of it; he's here to _save_ humanity, not offer them on a silver platter.  The logic made sense, but I'm still sending the data he sent me off to a couple of people to cross check before I will admit that Cerberus had nothing to do with it.  It would also dampen the anger and guilt that I'm working for them if I'm honest.  And if it falls through?  Well, good thing I'm arranging to meet Anderson on the Citadel to set things up. 

            {Kira Shepard} signing off.


	3. Relay Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings
> 
> Language and blood.

A puddle of midnight blue blood pooled around his face, splinters of his armor creating a halo effect around his torso.  Adrenaline and panic mixing together in a chaotic blend, Kira tossed her pistol aside and ran for him, utterly uncaring if any more mercs scaled the walls into the compound.  She heard footsteps running up the stairs, and unless they belonged to Mordin or Zaeed, she would kill them off. 

            He was almost facedown, unmoving, his sniper rifle laying beside him.  Her kneepads crunched the chips of his armor on the floor as she dropped to her knees, the smell of burnt flesh stinging her nostrils and she reached quickly around to the side of his face.  He wasn't breathing. 

            "Don't you do this to me..."  She forced to steady her voice as she turned him onto his side, blood pouring out of the left side of his face and neck, his eyes closed.  Half of his face looked torn and burnt, from the side of his carapace down to his mandibles.  She was out of medi-gel, and had used all the med kits, and if she didn't do something, he could die.  She heard an odd ringing in her ears, but her hearing hadn't been shot out during the firefight.  "Garrus, I swear if you don't wake up I will--"

            A sharp intake of air interrupted her, and Garrus' eyes blinked open.  _Oh thank god, he's alive._   Exhaling sharply with relief, she pressed down on his wounds to put pressure on them so he wouldn't bleed out.  "OK, good, you're listening.  I'm going to try to move you so Mordin can--" Before she could finish, his eyes rolled around as he began to breathe erratically.  "Garrus, no, you need to breathe regularly--"  His breathing came faster, his hand reaching for his sniper rifle.  She knew that if he didn't calm down, he could go into shock and die.  As frightened of losing yet another friend as she felt, she had to get a grip on her emotions to make sure he lived, let alone ensuring Mordin and Zaeed's safe return to the Normandy.

            "Garrus, calm down, help is--fuck...!"  She turned him further onto his back in an effort to calm him and he gurgled, coughing up blood.  She immediately turned him back onto his side before he could choke on his own blood.  She felt near helpless, since she only had basic medic training, and a rocket to the face hadn't been covered.   _Where is--_

            "Oh _shit_ ," Zaeed's curse sounded from the room entrance, Mordin's lighter footsteps right behind him.  "He's still alive?"

            Automatically, Kira whipped her head to Zaeed, who had hesitated to momentarily stare at the increasing pool of blood on the floor.  "Zaeed, stand guard.  Make sure no one gets the drop on us. Mordin!"  She called as Zaeed nodded, heading for the windows to keep watch, and Mordin rushed in.  Crouching down while scanning Garrus with his omni tool, Mordin frowned the more he looked over Garrus bleeding all over the floor.  That was not the look that Kira wanted to see.

            "Get cloth; need to stop the bleeding."  Mordin ordered, and Kira hauled herself up and ran for the bunk beds lining the room, tearing the sheets apart into strips while willing her hands not to shake.  Hailing the Normandy as she ran back, she barked into the omni tool that messaged directly to Joker and Miranda: "Shepard to Normandy.  We have a medical emergency and need pickup ASAP."  She heard Joker swear on the other line, and he replied, "Don't worry, Commander.  Deploying shuttle with ETA of five minutes to your coordinates."

            "Shuttle will be here in five minutes," Kira said as she handed Mordin the sheets, which he pressed against the side of Garrus' face.  Garrus' sapphire eyes clouded over as he regarded her silently, his breathing now softer but more shallow.  "What else can I do?"

            "Hold this."  Mordin nodded to the sheets, and she immediately knelt down next to Mordin and pressed the bundle firmly to the side of Garrus' face, her other hand resting gently on his carapace.  Mordin moved to the other side of Garrus' body, quickly looking through his med kit.  "Keep him awake; unlikely he will wake if he loses consciousness."   Mordin continued, and Kira nodded grimly. 

            It wasn't the first time a comrade had been injured or died in the middle of the battlefield, nor would it be her last, but she couldn't allow anything to take her friends away from her; not when she found them two years later and needed help to save the galaxy again.  Garrus was capable and levelheaded when they worked to stop Saren, and he was needed to fight the Collectors.  Moreover, they had become fast friends, and worked well in combat.  He _had_ to live.

            Grasping Garrus' face gently on one side and firmly on the other, she ordered, "Garrus, look at me."  When he didn't, she ordered him again, this time louder and more firmly, and finally he slowly met her eyes.  Taking a steadying breath, she started talking to him with everything that came through her mind. 

            "We're going to patch you up and get you fixed up on the Normandy.  Not the old one; this one is new and rebuilt.  You get to see the new ship, and you'll be glad to hear that there isn't a Mako for me to torture you and Tali with."  She forced a grin, and Garrus held her gaze, his breathing now straining and gurgling as though he had water in his lungs.  Behind him, Mordin prepped a syringe, disinfecting a patch of skin on Garrus' neck.  "Speaking of Tali, just saw her last week.  Ran into her while doing a mission; entire galaxy full of people, and out of everyone we run into her first.  Don't get me wrong; it was a _very_ welcome surprise, considering the other shit that happened.  She is doing well; she is commanding missions of her own!  She hoped that she would get to see you; we might recruit her later.  We've been on a recruiting spree lately, you won't believe--"

            Garrus coughed up more blood as Mordin eased the needle into Garrus' neck, and after waiting for a few seconds for Garrus to still, inserted whatever liquid was in the syringe.  At Kira's worried glance, Mordin whispered "Pain killers."  Steeling herself again, Kira looked back to Garrus, putting on another smile as Mordin prepped another syringe and needle.  "Well, you should be feeling a bit better in a few moments.  After you get fixed back up, I'll introduce you to everyone.  You fought with Zaeed, and this is Mordin.  Joker and Chakwas are still with me..."  The light in Garrus' eyes began to fade, his eyes closing.  Suddenly, she wasn't staring or holding Garrus anymore; it was her father, his once lively amber eyes glazing over as she begged him over and over to live, his crimson blood dripping through her fingers as she pressed down on the wound over his chest.

            Tearing herself away from the memory in time to see Garrus' eyes almost shut, she angrily thought, _No.  Not this time.  I will be damned if this happens again!_   Holding the bundle of fabric firmly against his cheek and neck, she crouched lower so she could make direct eye contact with him.  "Garrus!  Listen to me!  You pass out now and you might die, and I'm not going to let you!  Remember what you last told me before you went back to the Citadel?  That'd you buy me a drink and tell me about your family?  Guess what, it's two years overdue.  You are _not_ leaving any time soon, so you better stay the fuck awake or I will find you in the afterlife and kick your ass back here!"

            Garrus' eyes eased open again, his gaze slightly unfocused and pupils fully dilated, and his mandibles moved as Mordin administered another shot.  His other hand, the one not clutching his sniper rifle, moved forward to grasp her forearm.  He gurgled something, but he gave a very tiny nod.  Unsure of what he meant, she took it that he would stay awake, but she wasn't going to take any chances.  "Glad you decided to stay on this side of the living.  I can't let one of the best snipers that I've ever met die, so don't you dare slack off.  You can take all the naps you want after we make sure you will live."

            "Shepard," Zaeed called, and both she and Mordin looked up.  Zaeed lowered his sniper rifle from the window, jerking his head towards the outside.   "Shuttle inbound."  
            "Normandy?"  She asked, glad her voice sounded a lot more steady than she felt.

            "Yeah.  No bogies that I've seen either." 

            "We will need to move him," Mordin said, taping gauze to the side of Garrus' neck.  He didn't have enough to bandage all of Garrus' face.  As Kira motioned for Zaeed to help her carry Garrus down the stairs, Mordin continued, "Will work with Chakwas once on Normandy and with equipment.  Will need blood."

            "A stretcher will be brought with the shuttle."  Unless Cerberus didn't understand the meaning of 'medical emergency'.   "Call Dr. Chakwas and tell her everything that you will need.  She knows Garrus' blood type.  Take point in the meantime."  She ordered, not bothering on looking to anyone else besides Garrus

            The sound of the shuttle whooshing to their location reverberated around the compound as it landed.  Mordin went to the window and waved their location, and within moments several crewmembers hurried up the stairs with a stretcher and medi-gel.  After applying additional medication, Mordin declared Garrus safe enough to move, and she and Zaeed hauled Garrus back onto the stretcher.  Right before the shuttle door closed, Garrus turned his head to the compound, refusing to blink until the shuttle door finally hissed shut, holding Kira's forearm as she kept him awake.

 

* * *

 

            February 1st, 2185

            {Voice Recorded}

             I...this is seriously shit.  I don't know if Garrus is going to make it.  He went into shock on the shuttle ride over twenty-four hours ago, and if Mordin wasn't there, he probably would've gone into cardiac arrest and died.  Got him into the Med Bay right before he passed out.  Besides second and third degree burns on the side of his face and neck, his shoulder was dislocated, his jaw broken, multiple skull fractures, and he suffered internal bleeding.  Chakwas and Mordin have been working on him for hours now and kicked me out of the med bay.  I know that I would be a distraction, but I still want to make sure that Garrus is OK.  The Doctors at least darkened the windows so the crew doesn't gawk at them like a zoo.  Gardner had a clean up a lot of blood that had dripped on the floor from the hangar, the elevator, and the crew deck.  Mordin and Chakwas will let me know if Garrus makes it or not, but I am _praying_ that he does... 

            For the first time since I 'woke up', the possibility of it being a resurrection sounds...attractive.  If Cerberus could do it for me after I was spaced, they could certainly do it for Garrus if he...well, yeah.  They might not since he isn't human.  I'll have to make it conditional for my service to ensure it, and even then they'll probably just shoot me or take someone hostage.  Besides, I probably wouldn't stop at trying to resurrect Garrus.  Chakwas _was_ fairly certain that she and Mordin could save Garrus with cybernetics, but I've seen ICU patients turn on a dime.

            I extended my work hours right after getting back so I wouldn't be pacing outside the med lab, but after I almost passed out towards the end of my shift, I had to call it quits.  Couldn't look like a nervous wreck in front of the crew so I went back up  here.  And if...Garrus doesn't make it, I have to make sure I'm not emotionally compromised.  I still have a job to do, and as much as I plan on the Omega Four Relay being a two-way trip, it is technically a suicide mission.  I really don't want to plan out how I act if Garrus dies though; I don't think I can take it right at this moment.

            Just...please, god. 

            Jacob? 

            Yeah, go ahead.

            Alright, I'll meet you there.

            {Kira Shepard} signing off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this didn't come across as whiny or anything. Yeesh.


	4. Relay Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings
> 
> Just language this time around. 
> 
> I swear things will get more exciting eventually.

The engines hummed loudly, the echoes bouncing off the steel walls in the hangar bay and seemingly getting louder with each passing moment.  The perfect place to converse safely while Mordin fished bugs out of the battery on the crew deck as most of the crewmembers rarely came to the hangar bay due to the noise.  Beside her, Garrus' eyes narrowed, looking around the hangar with scrutiny and crossing his arms critically.  Rolling her eyes, Kira huffed in irritation.  "What now?"

            "Too big."  He replied, gesturing to the giant, open space in front of them.  "You can fit five Makos in here and have a race.  There's obstacles for you thrust off into open air too--"

            "Oh shut up."  Kira whacked his right arm, wincing and shaking her hand in pain.  Even in plain clothes, Garrus' skin was plated and rocky underneath.  "You know how dirty that sounds, right?"

            "It is?  Oh, oops.  Well, that'll be sure to piss Cerberus off."  Garrus 'grinned', razor sharp teeth flashing.  "Any hint of a human and non-human liaison?  A turian one at that?  The Illusive Man is probably sending out an assassin squadron as we speak.  I'm still amazed they let Mordin and I on board.  Scratch that, I'm amazed they let me _live_."

            "Nah, this is an OK crew,"  Kira said reassuringly.  She wasn't going to tell him that if it hadn't been Chakwas or Mordin operating on him, she would've been more concerned for his livelihood.  "They'll get used to your smartass pretty soon.  What you need to worry about is my boot in your ass for making Jacob lead me on like you had irreparable damage or something."

            "I _do_ have irreparable damage,"  Garrus grumbled.  "I'm never going to get a date again because of my face, and no, I am not interested in Krogan women.  Besides, had to get back at you somehow."

            "For _what_?"  It was her turn to glare up at him.  He towered a good fourteen inches over her, and her neck cricked loudly.  "I came in the nick of time and saved your butt."

            "You don't remember me blocking all those shots from the Geth and mercs two years ago?"  Garrus pretended to sound hurt.  "You said it was only two months for you, but I have a better memory, apparently.  And aim."

            "I am going to strangle you."

            "Can you even reach up here?"  He dodged a playful swipe from her arm, laughing.  "Oh, ow, damn it, still hurts."  He massaged his jaw, carefully avoiding the bandaged areas.

            Her smile slightly faded as she regarded the side of his face, a reminder of the pain he had gone through to return to the Normandy.  When he had awoken from his injuries a week ago, they had filled each other in on their two years of separation; her briefing had been far shorter than his.  Before she had received replies from her loved ones, she figured that a lot of things happened to them in her absence, but instead of a promotion or a growing family, Garrus had experienced the rise and fall of his entire crew.  His emotions closely mirrored her own after Akuze; even now while joking around, his eyes looked haunted and distracted.  She couldn't make the pain or the memories disappear; only time could dull the sharp edge to them.  All she could do was offer support as a friend, but sometimes even that wouldn't be enough. 

            "Look at it this way," she patted his arm sympathetically in an effort to distract him, "your scars are a way to give the rest of the galaxy a level playing field; they wouldn't have had a chance otherwise."

            "Yeah, since I got plenty of women beforehand,"  Garrus muttered, but he had narrowed his eyes playfully at her jest.  "And considering what we're up against, I doubt more would be lining up."

            Kira frowned, remembering that after she interviewed with Emily Wong about Saren's defeat, Garrus had gotten no less than twenty messages for potential dates in thirty seconds.  "I thought you had five dates last time we talked...two years ago."

            "Yeah, well, stuff happened."  Garrus shrugged, the haunted gaze back in his eyes, before looking away from her and gesturing around the hangar bay.  "By the way, I had some ideas on what to do with all this space..."

            Kira regarded Garrus suspiciously for a moment, inwardly debating on pursuing his changed subject or indulging him for the time being.  "OK, I'll bite."  She relented, crossing her arms as she surveyed the area.  "What do you have in mind?"

            "You don't have a gym, right?"

 _Unless you count the armory, and Jacob probably wouldn't like people barging in while he is doing pull ups._   "Right."

            "If you could afford it, work out equipment over there."  Garrus pointed towards the opposite side of the bay from the shuttles.  "I'm surprised a human ship doesn't already have it, or are all you guys that soft?"

            "Most of the crew is non-combat, but you are right."  Kira nodded thoughtfully.  Besides providing stress relief, strength and endurance training definitely could help with missions.  She could already picture Jacob, Miranda, and Zaeed using the machines, chatting amiably with any other crew members in the area.  It was pure imagination, of course.  Though friendly, Jacob was an introvert; people gave Miranda a wide berth in the hopes of not angering her; and Zaeed already scared off a quarter of the crew with his gory stories.  "And with the Illusive Man, money is no object; I'll talk to him about getting that stuff asap."  _If I can justify this expense._   "What else do you have in mind?"

            Garrus paused, looking around the hangar again and sizing it up.  "There isn't a place to relax on this ship."

            _This_ was why she needed an extrovert--or at least a social-ish person--like Garrus to tell her these things; otherwise she would have been content in staying in her room.  _And being at the top has already clouded my judgment; can't believe I didn't think of that._   "How would you solve that?"

            "It's your ship, you know,"  Garrus said, waving his hand indifferently.

            "True, but I need input.  Otherwise I would just put in a couple of couches, soundproofed walls, and several bookcases for a library.  Maybe a card table for good measure."

            "You are so boring."

            "Ok, Mr. Life-of-the-party, what would _you_ put in?"

            "If I could get away with it?"  The mischievousness in his voice made her apprehensive, though she felt relieved that he still seemed good-natured.  "Replace the books with a bar and a dance floor.  It will act as both a place to dance and a comedy show, once people take a look at the way that you dance--hey, I'm just kidding!"  He flinched back as a glowing blue orb whipped past his shoulder.  "Gotta learn to take a joke; otherwise all this fame will go to your head."

            "We already have a bar on the crew deck,"  Kira said, closing her fist to disperse her biotic orb.  "I don't know how I'm going to get the Illusive Man to shell out creds for a dance floor."

            "Well, it was the next best thing to a shooting range, and we can't have that in here,"  Garrus said unhappily.  "I guess we'll go with the boring route and get a card table."

            _And a library._   "Who knows?" Kira grinned.  "Maybe if we get Tali on board, she can install a disco ball with the dance floor, complete with a karaoke machine."

            "A _what_ ball?"

            "That sphere with tiny panes of mirror that reflects light in human clubs.  I'm surprised you didn't ask what a karaoke machine was."

            Garrus scoffed.  "I've been to Shin Akiba several times.  I think it's every human's goal to sing off pitch."

            Kira snickered.  "It is far worse on Earth..." A beep on her omni tool interrupted her train of thought; her alarm that she set when they were close to their destination.  "We're about an hour away from the Citadel," Kira explained as Garrus looked curiously down at her omni tool.  "Have to check everything for the Citadel customs.  I don't think I can waltz right in going 'I'm a Spectre, now waive all the docking fees and taxes' anymore."

            Garrus sighed in mock disappointment.  "And I was so close convincing you on getting that dance floor."

            "If nothing else, the gym equipment, definitely."  Kira nodded reassuringly, turning to the elevator, then pausing when Garrus didn't join her.  "You still coming?"

            The two seconds that she had her eyes off Garrus, his posture had slightly slackened and his eyes were glazed over.  At her moving to look back at him, he immediately straightened and nodded.  "The meeting with Anderson?  Yeah."

            "I meant up to the crew deck."  She said gently.

            The pause felt too long to be natural, with Garrus glancing away for a moment.  "Nah, think I'll do some measurements around here, just in case..."  Garrus sounded thoughtful, but the sentiment didn't reach his eyes as he looked back at her.  Kira bit her lip, feeling crestfallen but knowing that he probably needed a moment alone.  Nonetheless, she patted his arm again, and just as she turned away he took her sleeve, stopping her.  "Hey, I appreciate you coming to find me when you did."  He said as she looked at him curiously.

            "Anytime, Garrus."  She smiled, also incredibly thankful that she recruited him on time.  "Out of anyone that could have turned out to be Archangel, I'm happy it was you.  I not only have one of the best snipers in the galaxy on this ship, but also a friend."

            "And I have a feeling that you might need both."  This time, his grin reached his eyes and she laughed, nodding and agreeing. 

            Just as she dropped her arm to head for the elevator, he poked her hard in the bicep.  "Dude, what was that for?"  She scowled, rubbing her bicep and glaring at him.  It was like him to ruin a heartwarming moment on purpose.

            He shrugged nonchalantly, knowing that would make her more peeved.  "Said I had to get you back."  He said casually, turning away in the pretense in checking out the back of the hangar bay.

            "For what?"  She asked sardonically, crossing her arms.  She wouldn't follow him and take his bait, and his claws hurt.

            "You dying."  He said over his shoulder.  Kira blinked, not knowing what to say.  Garrus had only talked about the aftermath of the original Normandy, but he didn't go into how anyone reacted to her death.  She didn't think it was important anyway--everyone she that she had reunited with didn't seem too shocked to see her alive--but she doubted talking about it would help anyone out.  Certainly wouldn't do him any favors in his current situation.  "Don't do it again."

            She sighed, wondering if she should bring it up after they got back from the Citadel.  "I don't plan on it."  She called to him, hoping she sounded laid-back instead of nervous.  She didn't like tempting fate.  "See you in a bit!"

            He waved her off as she boarded the elevators, and the last thing she saw before the door slid down was him turning away again, the light reflecting off the frayed edges of his injuries peeking through the bandages.  Heaving another sigh, she leaned against the cool wall, crossing her arms again. 

            The day before them would be busy.  She would recruit Kasumi, meet with Anderson and the Council, and then meet with her adoptive parents, who had told her two days ago that they wanted to coincide the Citadel visit to see her.  There was additional work after that, but Garrus lingered on her mind.  The scars on his face will heal in time, and the ones he held on his spirit will take much longer, but she felt uneasy about something more sinister.  The restrained emotion in his voice as he spoke about his crew was natural and expected, as was the dark anger in his eyes when he talked about Sidonis.  But would it be something that he will continue to dwell in, months or years from now, if they even had that long?  As much as she wished it to be over, Garrus' trials were not yet complete, and he could fall into the same trap that she had fighting against for years. 

            Gritting her teeth against the memories of her own pain and despair, she lay her head back against the wall.  Only time will tell if the wounds would help repair Garrus' spirit and make him stronger, or if they will fester and eventually poison him.  As both his Commander and friend, she couldn't let the latter happen, nor would she let it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously wanted to give Garrus a hug after he explained Sidonis and the betrayal.
> 
> Dunno when I'll post the next chapter since I'm working on it now.


End file.
